Tell me; if it's good??(UPDATE)

Jesse Victoria: I am here with new face at TBW FIelds of Glory;I'm here with Prototype

camera turns to Prototype

Jesse Victoria: Earlier today You said me taht you want to say something... so what's that??

Prototype: Hi Jess, hi evrybody... i am here to told to all of you people right there and mainly to our GM, Mr. Donald Dark,that i am ready to fight...i please... no, i demend for it... so please Donald, gimme a chance to proove myself.

Jesse Victoria: So, you're here to please for a match

Prototype: Yes! Now i am ready...(Prototype starts to shout a little)come on!! Gimme some good opponent, Dark!!!

behind Prototype suddenly appear DareDevilZ
Jesse Victoria lookes strange

Prototype:Whassup Victoria?!

Jesse Victoria:Loo- loo-

Prototype:What?!

Jesse Victoria:LOOK BACK!!!

Jesse runs away
Prototype turns out and jumps back scared

DareDevilZ: You want good opponent?? Here...you...GOOOO!!!

Prototype steps back a bit

Prototype: Wha- what??

DareDevilZ:I...will...be...your...opponent...

DareDevilZ walks away and push Prototype with his shoulder
Prototype is standing still scared and looking at walking away DareDevilZ
suddenly someone catches Prototype for his arm from his back
Prototype jumps back scared
Camera turns to that man; it's Mr. Donald Dark

Mr. Donald Dark: First of all, for You I am Mr. Dark not "Dark" or "Donald" and there's another thing; You want a match?? I will give You a match... now it's official; In tonight show DareDevilZ will face You; Prototype

Can be heard some evil laugh
Mr. Donald Dark is afraid a bit

Mr Donald Dark:So... i-i will walk away now

Prototype: O-O.K... i will go with you...heh...

is it good??

you use too much the word "say" , try to swap some for tell or some other verbs, also it can be seen outta the rp that english isn't your mother tongue.. buy i guess we have VGMs to fix that (*evil laughter*)


also, Monsterio is our "RL" Gm, the kayfabe GM is Mr. Donald Dark, so you should adress him as the GM when writing an rp.


apart from that, it's ok, just remember to use the colors in the RP (look in the rp section for the sticky thread)

i know about the colors and italic and bold...
i'll try to fix up with that "say"
and i'll change the gm... one more question : do i have to ask Mr. Donald Dark for permission to put him in RP?? I already ask DareDevilZ and Monsterio but they aren't reply yet... so i will explain to Monsterio and i will ask Mr. DD if i have to...

The RP is nice man. I can't wait to see the next show

generaly, you don't have to ask him, well, he doesn't exist


but it would be good to ask monsterio if you're going to use him for something very big, that could affect other RPs or the entire show (eg. beating him up, so he needs to go to the hospital or many other things, i guess that using my 3I's (that is intelligence, Intelligence and INTELLIGENCE should suffice )

U'r 3 I's are really really... i don't have words to subscribe how am i admire your 3 I's...
Now i am actually not "using" Monsterio in my RP so... there is no reason for asking him now... but i will remember this... and thanks for help

i always wanted to be like Kurt Angle, but i don't have the integrity, neither the intensity so i adjusted that a little bit lol